Verse:

I never seem to find any courses very hard.  
I’ve got a string of “A’s” and “B’s” on my record card  
But one thing has me frantic –  
My life is unromantic.  
I don’t know what I can do.

You’ll always find me at the head of every class.  
But when it comes to love, I don’t think I would pass.  
I’ve captured every honor,  
But I can’t find a madonna –  
No wonder I’m feeling blue.

Chorus:

My worksheets always balance  
With plenty left to spare.  
My academic talents  
Are quite beyond compare –  
It’s so easy to see  
I’m away above “B” –  
But I’m getting an “F” in romance.

At philo, math and history,  
I’m considered quite a whiz –  
But love is just a mystery,  
And I don’t know what it is.  
Tell me, what can I do?  
I’ve a perfect I. Q.,  
But I’m getting an “F” in romance.

I can give you information  
About ancient education –  
At psychology, I’m no slouch.  
I’m a figure picturesque  
When I’m seated at a desk,  
But I don’t know what to do when I’m on a couch.

I’ve handed in my thesis  
On the works of high finance,  
But the female of the species  
Won’t give me a second glance –  
So I’m taking my mom to the Senior Prom –  
‘Cause I’m getting an “F” in romance.