Last night I stood and looked in my drawer where I kept my underwear. I had comfy, sexy, casual, and even granny panties folded into neat squares. Some were laced, some were covered in glitter, silky, and some were basic and bland. I might’ve bought them because I liked the fabric or because the colors complimented my skin. Or maybe they looked comfortable. Never did I ever stand in a shop to consider my new underwear and think, “But will I get myself raped in these though?”

Two nights ago would change my thoughts about my underwear forever. It was Saturday night and I got a call from my best friend Megan. We have known each other since toddlers in the crib. We know about almost everything about one another.

“Hey girl, get dressed.” says Megan eagerly. “I’m two steps ahead of you!”, I declared as I was getting out of the shower.

This was the night we were waiting for since I moved upstate for college. We were always inseparable, so when I moved for college, it left a gap in our relationship. So tonight was going to be the best night ever. Megan invited me to go to the club where our favorite band was performing at. Of course, I was all for it. We hung up the phone and I continued to get dressed. I took my towel off my damp hair and began rummaging in my panty drawer. I picked out a black lacy thong.

“Oh yea, these will go so cute with my outfit.“

I was so excited for tonight. I put on a black crop top, a cute little blue skirt, my favorite jean jacket, and some ankle boots. A horn honked twice outside my window and I rushed out my room to meet Megan. We drove down to the club and parked two blocks down to prevent a ticket. New York cops love giving people a ticket. We made our way into the club and it was packed.

We could barely move in there.

“Stay by me Meg, it’s a bit crowded.” I said nervously. “Don’t worry, if we lose each other along the way just text me.” Megan wasn’t worried about losing each other in the club. We were there to have fun.

A few drinks are in our system and I can feel myself already being tipsy. Megan is dancing and having the time of her life. I took one last drink and joined her. A group of guys were watching us living it up and invited us over for a drink. Megan and I went over to the guys and engaged in conversation. One of the guys out the bunch was kind of cute, so I was giving him some play.

“I’ll be right back girl, don’t wait up.”, said Megan as she took one of the guy’s hand and led him to the bathroom. “Wait, what are you doing? Don’t leave me with them”. I was frantic about being by myself with these guys. I mean the guy I was talking to was cute and all that, but I just wanted him to buy me a drink.

Megan insisted that I stay with the guys and she’ll be right back. About thirty minutes pass and Megan still hasn’t come out of the bathroom. I figured that they left the club so I decided to grab my things and went outside. John, the one that I was talking to, followed me. John and I stayed outside while I was trying to get service from my phone.

“You know you look really pretty tonight” said John as he was examining her body from head to toe. I saw the way he was looking at me and immediately felt uncomfortable. It was like he was undressing me with his dark blue eyes.

“Oh thanks … well it was nice meeting you, my friend is up the block.” I was trying to find some excuse to leave.

The truth is, I ain’t even know where Megan was at. I was so upset with her. She knows I don’t like being myself in unknown places. I make only two steps away from him to toward Megan’s car, but he caught me by my wrist and swung me back to his direction.

“She’s with my buddy, she’s fine. Wanna have some fun tonight?” John pushed his body up against mine and grabbed me by my butt. He had a persistent glare and I was scared.

This was not how I wanted to end my night.

“Uh, no thank you I just want to go home.” I pulled my wrist away and tried to leave. With a quickness, he pulled my hair from the back and dragged me behind the club.

Unable to get up, I was covered in mud. He climbed on top of me while fighting my screams with his palm. My hands were free enough to push his hands from mouth and I screamed louder. He raised his fist in the air and aimed for my face and chest. He was rough in his touches and demanded me to give in. He slid his hand down to my thighs and lifted up my skirt.

With a slight grin he says, “Nice panties.” and ripped them off. I was helpless. All I could do was lay there as he was shoving his way into my innocence. After he was finished, he left me there. I was drenched in mud and blood. With the little bit of strength that I have left in me, I opened my eyes and tried looking around. I hear laughter in the voice of Megan and the guy she hooked up with. I’m gasping for air and tried calling her for help. She got into the car with the guy and drove off. Why would she leave me? Shortly after, I was spotted by two people who were going for a smoke and they called me an ambulance. I stayed at the hospital for two days as they cleaned all the toxins out of my body. Tuesday morning, I came home. My parents were horrified about what happened to me. They immediately tell me to call the police and press charges and so I did.

It was then brought to trial. I went into the courtroom and saw my rapist, face to face. It seemed certain that he would go to jail. There were witnesses, surveillance cameras, bruises on my body to prove that he did this. Yet, he denied all of it. He told the judge that it was consensual. He claimed that we had kissed each other outside of the club and went to the back and had sex. None of the witnesses claimed that it ever happened. After his claim, I came to the stand and pleaded my case. John’s defense attorney, Sarah Duncan, interrogated me and began by asking me what I was wearing. A blue skirt with a crop top, a jean jacket and ankle boots.

She then asked what underwear I was wearing that night. I was very confused. What did that even have to do with me being raped? I didn’t answer, I felt that it was irrelevant. Sarah then turned to John for confirmation. “She was wearing a thong” said John confidently. “You have to look at the way she was dressed. She was wearing a thong with a lace front.” I had to hear those words come from a woman.

Someone who had the same body parts as me. My head hung down to my lap as the jury looked at me much more differently then when I had walked in the courtroom. After Sarah Duncan was finished with her testimony, she looked at me with such disappointment, not in me, but in herself to have defended my rapist. After just two hours of deliberation from the jury, John was found not guilty of the crime simply because of how I was dressed that night. He didn’t receive any jail time like I had hoped, instead he was a free man. I was speechless, my parents were devastated, and John was relieved.

That night, I looked into my underwear drawer. All of my lacy, sexy, comfy panties stared at me. I began crying and balled up all of my underwear and threw them away. I could not stop crying. To think that John was free to do whatever he wanted and enjoy his life while I was left to suffer and wallow in pity. He had to feel what she was feeling. So I got dressed, went into my mother’s room and took her gun from her safe. I then got into my car and drove to the club where I was raped. I went there to ask around for John and luckily, he was a local there. I got his address from the owner and I was on my way. I went back into my car, and drove to John’s place. He lived in an apartment in Alphabet City. I got into the apartment building thanks to the missing lock on the lobby’s door. I climbed all the way to the fourth floor steadily and stood in front of 4E, John’s apartment. I rung the bell twice and covered the peep hole so that John would not see me. John asked who it was. I had to think fast.

“Delivery!” I said nervously as I clutched my mother’s gun in my hand. “I aint order nothing” he said as he backed away to watch his sports. “I can’t hear you through the door sir”, I was shaking with anger and anxiousness.

I backed up and aimed the gun at the door, hoping John would open. Annoyed, John swings open the door. “I said I aint ord––––POW! POW! John fell back hard, blood rushed out of the two bullet holes from his head. I still had the gun aimed at him, with tears in my eyes. I murdered my rapist. People flew out of their apartments and circled me. I cried out loud in relief.

I was happy that I no longer had to deal with the thought of him being free. After all was said and done, I pulled my pants down, and took off my underwear. I then threw them at the dead body representing my flag of victory. I put back on my pants and sat down outside of his apartment door. The people were scared, amazed, and shocked at what they had seen.

“Cops should be coming any minute right?” I said with guarantee. A woman came from out of the crowd and grabbed my underwear from the body. “Leave this place and wipe your prints off your gun. Put it back where ever you found it.” I was confused, I didn’t understand why she wasn’t calling the police or why anyone circled around me wasn’t calling at all. The lady bent down and placed her two fingers under my chin and pushed it up so that we were at the same eye level. “Me too”, the lady replied, wiping my tears from my face. My mouth curved up a little, relieved that I was not alone. So I got up, ran out the building, into my car and went home a free woman.